According to Love is Respect (a project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline) one-third of adolescents in the US will be physically, sexually or emotionally abused by a dating partner by the age of 18.
Students at Northview are among that one-third.
For this article, it wasn’t hard to find people who had experience in a toxic relationship, but it was difficult to find people who were willing to talk about it. Opening up the conversation is the first step for people to not feel ashamed and to break the stigma about what toxic relationships really look like.
Junior Morgan Bouwhuis is one who had experience in an unhealthy relationship.
“We dated for eight months but I knew it was toxic after month three. I was sick to my stomach three times a day because I knew he was mad at me,” Bouwhuis said.
When she realized her relationship was toxic, Bouwhuis worked up the courage to break it off. Although this is the first step to getting out of an unhealthy relationship, it can often come with fear and anxiety.
Relationships can have a big impact on the way you view yourself and how happy you are. When Bouwhuis no longer felt joy from that relationship, she decided she deserved better.
“He dragged me down a lot,” Bouwhuis reflected.
Senior Skylar Baker had a similar experience with a partner who was controlling and easily angered.
“I was always walking on eggshells and that’s not how a relationship should be at all,” Baker said. “If you’re going around scared to do things, that’s how you know it’s toxic.”
Breaking up with a toxic partner can be scary and sometimes even dangerous. If you have a friend who’s going through a toxic relationship, it’s important to give them support. Even though it can be frustrating if they don’t take your advice, continue to give them kindness and support.
“All of my friends around me were like, ‘That’s bad, you need to stop,’” Baker said. “But I wouldn’t listen to them. I would just see the best in him and give him the benefit of the doubt even though I shouldn’t have.”
Baker’s friends helped her realize that the relationship wasn’t healthy, which got her through the challenging moments. Being a kind friend can show someone who is hurting that they have people there for them when it gets difficult.
It’s sometimes hard to see the signs of a toxic relationship, but it’s important for teenagers to be able to spot them and get out of an abusive situation early.
Senior Kourtney Baker went through a relationship with a boyfriend who was overly controlling, and it took a toll on her.
“We dated for three years and he was very controlling so I wasn’t allowed to do a lot of things. Towards the end when we broke up, [he] was literally crazy. I broke up with him and he wouldn’t let me,” Baker said.
While most stories tend to focus on girls in toxic relationships, boys go through them as well. Senior Austin VanderWeg also had an experience in an unhealthy relationship, and he’s grown from that experience.
“If you’re in a toxic relationship and you know you are, I think the hardest part is cutting it off. You feel like you have all of this time [invested], ‘I don’t want to ruin this, I don’t want to ruin this,’” VanderWeg said. “I feel like once you get out of it you learn so much more about yourself and it helps you grow as a person.”
A healthy relationship should make you feel safe. You shouldn’t have to change who you are around them, and they make you feel loved. They should want to be with you for you and respect you without making you feel like you have to act differently to be worthy of their time. There should also be room to grow, and grow as people together. You should be able to have space but know you always have one person who has your back no matter what.
Here are some more resources if you find yourself in a toxic relationship.
